Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Our Father's Love....Thoughts on Sacrifice and Calling

Big shocker here....I am WAY behind on blogging. You know when you start getting emails and blog comments of concerns such as "you haven't posted in while....hope you guys are okay" you really need to carve out some time for updates.:)

We are really doing okay. I promise! I remember being so disappointed when I followed various family's adoption journeys and then they got home and stopped posting. The best part finally came and there were no updates....hahahaha!!!! Now I COMPLETELY understand why! We have been busy!

I have mentioned before but this is our first year homeschooling Emily. Enough said.:) And being that we now have 4 munchkins 5 years and under, well..... And add in LOTS of doctor appointments, paperwork, spending time together as a family, normal daily chores, Daddy having to travel, attempting to serve others when possible, Mommy getting to go on a Women's Retreat, busy weekends, Mommy and Daddy going away for a night (woohoo!!!!), and Mommy getting rear-ended with Samuel in tow (involving approx 8-10K in damage to our van, a totaled Tahoe, and ordering 4 new car seats) and you have one pretty busy household. I am quite sure I left some things out:)

We are seeing amazing things in Samuel! I have said it before but it truly is like watching redemption take place right before our eyes! He is different in so many ways and has only been home less than 60 days. We continue to see regression when our schedules are too full and he is exposed to too many new faces, but overall he is finally smiling and beginning to really trust us.

I think one of the hardest things to figure out is to sort through the reasons for behaviors because honestly we just don't know. Samuel is in a whole other "category" of adopted child. It is very difficult to find information on children that have been adopted with DS from Russia/Eastern Europe. We have read info on adopted children, info on children with DS, but not those 2 combined. At this point, all we really have to go on is other families (and wow the number is growing!!) that are in the same boat as us. I feel like we are all sort of in this murky water of uncertainty and honestly lots of times it just isn't easy. Not knowing the "whys" of behavior or what is the best way to help our children is very very hard. Add in the social responses when you leave the safe confines of home or church, and the simple fact that bonding takes time, and you've got a yummy recipe for "Adoption Ain't for Everybody" Soup!

I have said from the beginning that I want to be true to this process of adoption and what it truly looks and feels like. At the same time, there are some things that are best shared in smaller more intimate ways. The last couple of months have changed me more than I ever thought possible. I have had to draw near to the Lord in ways I didn't even know were possible...really. Every week, we participate in a local Bible Study called CBS (they are everywhere and I highly recommend:). Last week, our lady that lectures at the end, said something that resonated so deeply within my soul. She played the song by Selah "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" and spoke about what Christ's sacrfice cost.

This is what she said that struck me so deeply. "Jesus was brave and courageous to leave heaven to come and redeem us." It cost Him something....it cost Him everything! His Father even turned His face from Him. Can you even imagine? I listened to her words and let them really soak in. God's call on our family cost us something. We have officially left the "comfort" of our before life and entered into His will for us. It cost us all something and is still "costing" to bring Samuel into our family. Redemption isn't cheap! Jesus did what He had to redeem us. The picture of that and the truth of that is what spurs me on daily. I don't have enough of anything within me to carry out His will, and goodness do I DAILY need my Father's grace!! But He has called us all to lives worthy of His redemption, not saying that we have to work for it!!!! He GAVE us His life but His life was costly and in return our lives as believers and followers of a risen Saviour should be characterized, not by ease but by His love, and yes sacrifice!

Considering all of this right now, at the beginning of a month where God's people focus on the need for us to all step up and care for orphans in some way, has lead to real heart change in the day in and out for all of my children, but especially in my care for Samuel. Christ's adoption of us certainly was one of sacrfice and of bravery and courage and a letting go of "everything." Would He expect any less of us? Our choice has not been easy. If you choose to adopt, don't expect easy. And once you bring that long awaited child home, it actually gets harder than all of that waiting, fundraising, travel, and paperwork ever could have been. Bottom line, it's worth it. Totally and completely worth it. Our house has been downright ugly at times since beginning this journey and it has been so good for us. We are closer to the Father, utterly dependant, aware of our sins and selfishness, and thankful beyond words that He chose to redeem us when it cost Him everything!

The Father's love should compel us to live a life that looks very different from our own plans. That is something that I will wrestle with until I am with Him someday. I will continue to complain and ask God "why me?....I can't do this!!!" But He knows, He knows I can through Him, if only I lean in...utter surrender, utter dependence. I am thankful for this place, for His calling. Part of me never wants to leave the "hardness" of this season because the temptation of doing it without Him creeps in. Humility and dependence is good for me. God certainly knows that. I am learning to accept what He has called our family to and respond in complete surrender.

Exactly one year ago, I had no idea what I was praying. I couldn't have even imagained what would happen in the next year...in my heart, our family, my relationship with my husband and children. God knew though. And here we are. Hard? Yes! Exhausted? Absolutely! Stretched? Yes! Comfortable? Haha...Heck NO! But blessed?  Oh wow, beyond measure! He called us because He loves us, and that my friends, is something I will never grasp!

In case you didn't know, it is Orphan Awareness Month. What might He be calling you to?

Pictures to follow, of course...promise!  It will be worth it!:)


Mud pies and Moonlight said...

Love you, friend, through the dirt, sweat, tears, and smiles...love you much.

Melanie said...

Beautifully written and so true! Good to hear from you. Thanks for telling it like it is!

Lindy said...

REALLY needed this. Every word. Thank you:)

Cindi Campbell said...

So, so true every word. We have also been stretched, humbled, and blessed in so many ways throughout our adoptions and yes, it is hard, hard, hard. And yet here we are thinking of doing this again.lol Good to hear from you and see that sweet guy doing well.