We Are So Grateful!...

It's ridiculous I know...this post was what I started last Friday...needless to say that I am just getting around to finishing it. I have had trouble articulating what I wanted to say. So here is the update on our little man...from last week;)

...for so very much! Yesterday was an emotionally difficult, but needed day. As most of you know we had Timothy's appt. at Vanderbilt yestersday morning. Let me first just say that the doctors were incredible and it could not have been a better experience. The resident that saw us first thoroughly checked out Timothy and kept saying how cute he was and how strong he was. Derek and I have said that from the beginning.:) He was holding himself up on his arms laying on his tummy at just 5 weeks old. The doc said that he had excellent muscle tone and was genuinely surprised at how he was trying to stand completely on his own. He also said, after much examining, that Timothy was completely on track developmentally and that his spine looked great and (we loved this one) that his head was perfectly round!:) Dr. Fenichel, the neurologist, came in next and reiterated everything that the previous doc had. He told us that what Timothy was having is called "Shuddering Attacks" if we wanted a name for it. And while they can seem very alarming and worrisome, they are totally normal for some babies and he will completely grow out of it. From what we understand, they are caused by the developing brain and nervous system...neurons forming and a bunch of other stuff that I don't really understand!:) Timothy did great for the doctors! He was so smiley, as usual, full of personality!!! All in all, he checked out wonderfully healthy! I almost couldn't believe it!

God was very gracious to us yesterday and, honestly, it was very difficult to comprehend the fullness of that! As we sat in that waiting room full of parents with their sweet children, I was overwhelmed with all kinds of different emotions. Over the past couple of weeks, in my conversations with God, He has really been challenging my concept of His grace. I kept asking God why Timothy, why Caleb, why Gracie, why Hayden?...and I was beginning to feel angry and frustrated at what seemed like a lack of concern on His part. It sounds terrible I know, but it is real...that is what I was feeling. Then over these last few days, something began changing in my heart. I began to ask, "why not Timothy?" It was a very sobering realization. I don't deserve His grace and truly Timothy is HIS anyway! He has known from the foundation of His earth everything about His son Timothy Kramer. As much as I hurt for my children, what must God feel for His children? His level of concern is so much greater, the greatest because Timothy is His! That doesn't mean that I don't worry for my son, but it does bring fresh perspective on how I care for him and see Timothy as God's and not mine.

In a moment, everything can change for any of us at any time! Sickness, disease, tragedies, and death are a part of sin and while I don't like it or fully understand...it is truth. It doesn't matter our education or status or how much money we make, every single one of us can and will for sure experience unexpected things in this life. While we may have gotten wonderful news yesterday, I am beginning to understand on a much deeper level how in just a moment, I can be right back where I was yesterday...full of uncertainty with my pride fully stripped away. I think this is a good place for me to be right now because it requires me to fully rest in the fullness of the Father's love and grace.

We thank each and every one of you dear friends, some we've never met, that prayed for our son. What an amazingly beautiful thing that our God gives us one another to love, pray, encourage, and care for one another when walking through difficult and uncertain circumstances. We are grateful!...for so very much!