So Very Very Close!!!!!

Never felt quite this desperate before.  We have a few things in the works to try and raise some more funds.  Our flights are being booked today and Visa stuff is going out today via FedEx overnight.  We are leaving Nashville to fly across the ocean to hold and meet Ivan in just a couple of weeks...set to leave June 18 or 19!!!!  I wish that I had the words to describe the emotion that comes JUST imagining what it will be like to touch his face and tell him his Mommy and Daddy have come....to tell him he will be an orphan no longer in just a few short months.  Oh Praise God!!!!

I can truly say that we have never ever been so humbled and in need as much as we are right now.  We are in need of your prayers and money!  There is just no eloquent way to put that. 

No denying adoption is expensive.  It stinks, but it is what it is.  I can dislike it all I want but that doesn't get us any closer to Ivan!  What do we owe?  $16,500. in remaining agency fees.  Our airfare for this trip (will worry about the second one later) will be around $2300. min. And Visas will be around $400.  Not including lodging while there.  It seems like a lot, but God is way bigger and we KNOW that He will complete this journey!!! 

What have we paid?  $7k in agency fees, $890 for immigration, $1500 for homestudy, over $300 for passports, and of course hundreds and hundreds in postage through FedEx, Appilcation fees, Fingerprinting and Criminal checks. 

What we have...Our grants through RR at this point are around $5600 (someone gave recently...THANK YOU!!!) And Ivan's personal account is at around $3300 which we will likely use today to help with travel and Visas.

We will be preselling T-shirts ASAP!  Please buy one!  I will give details later today.

We are looking into a Spirit Night with Chick-Fil-A. 

I have a giveaway on the blog currently for that cute little bear.

And when our youth kids get back from their mission trip to Haiti, we might beg for their help with a car wash.

We are also trying to sell one of our cars.  If anyone has any really tangible easy money makers please let me know! 

Again, I know that we sound desperate, but if Emily, Timothy, or Stella, or even a friend's child was stuck in a crib on the other side of the world, I would literally stop at nothing to get to them....NOTHING!!!  So, I know lots of you may be sick of hearing about this, but as long as Ivan and other sweet young souls are without their families, I will shout from the rooftops!  We need help!

The support and love we have felt so far has been TRULY amazing...cannot stress how unbelievable it has been to see so many people give sacrificially!  And I mean very sacrificial giving!  You can give for the bear on our Chip-in.  I haven't had even one entry yet:(  It's only $5 to enter once and it is a super cute bear with an even more precious story!:)

I will keep everyone updated with our travel info and $ info.  We are in the final stretches of fundraising...would you please consider being a part of that with us?

Anticipated News and A Give Away!!

It is with so much joy that we can finally say we are officially so much closer to meeting our son!!!  We got the news last night that our information was officially submitted to the Ministry of Education in Ivan's country!  We have been "invited" to come as early as June 20th.  That will be here before we know it and we cannot wait. 

There are definitely mixed emotions as we know that the hardest part will be leaving him there and returning home to wait for our next court date to bring him home and officially see him become a mini-Kramer!  we have hope that it will go smoothly and he will come home quickly! 

I have many ideas for fundraising floating in my head, but what you will see below has been in the works for a LONG time.

This was supposed to be our first giveaway/fundraising idea.  The time just never seemed right, but now seems so perfect!  Our children all have "lovies" and they all have Korean names...each is very special to our children.  Bunnies By the Bay is the company responsible for their cuddly soft cuteness!  They make the most adorable items for babies.  Everything from lovies to onesies....just so cute and SOFT! 

I had the idea to contact them and just see if they might donate an item for our adoption to use as a giveaway.  Less than a month later, I not only received an adorable little bear to give away but also a lovie for Ivan and a cute little pair of bear slippers!  I was shocked at their generosity.  Come to find out, they support adoption wholeheartedly (yet another reason to love their products)!  They even allowed us to pick the item that they donated.  We chose this bear because a cetain little guy's country's national animal is a bear.  That was when we found out the story behind Bao Bao Bear.  He was adopted by the bunnies!  Seriously...how sweet is that? 

Below you will find pics of this precious bear.  Also, he will be given away with the coziest little bear feet slippers.  I want him to go to a good family:)  He will make someone very happy for sure!

This is what you have to do to bring this cuddly guy home: 

1.  Give in $5 increments using the "Chip-In" on our blog or if you want to go the tax-deductible route, you can go to our family's page here.  For every $5 you give, your name will be entered into a random drawing.

2.  After you give, PLEASE let us know that you gave and how much so we can give you the right amount of chances to win.  We can't always see when people give.

3.  You will be able to give until Sat. June 11th.  That gives you about 2 weeks!  We will announce the winner the day after and will mail your new friend out on that Mon. June 13th.

Would you please consider giving or posting on your blog or FB?  We can't wait for Bao Bao Bear to find a home!!!!

Isn't he adorable?  You will just have to trust me on how soft he is!

Here are his adoption tags:)...so cute!

What a cute face!

Precious bear feet.

So stinkin' cute!

I sure hope he finds a home:):) 

Nikita

Around the time that Derek and I committed to our precious Ivan, this little boy caught our eye as well.  Little blue-eyed Nikita. He is in the same region and most likely in the same orphanage as Ivan.  His blond hair and beautiful blue eyes immediately caught our attention.  I was also taken back by the fact that he did not have a family already!  I love the expression on his sweet little face.  He looks like he is quite the thinker with just a little mischief thrown in for good measure!:) 

There are a few things that he and Ivan in common...however, Nikita is older than Ivan.  Normally, no big deal.  But in Nikita's case, it means he is close to transfer....very close!  He is 2 years older than Ivan which means that he will be 4 years old this September!  Unfortunately 4 is the typical age for transfers to adult institutions!  Can you even imagine this little guy in an institution with adults?  The last statistic I read was that approx. 80% of children die within the first year of transfer because of the conditions. 

My heart cannot even fathom what it would be like if this precious boy is transferred.  Without a clue, he would just wake up one day and be taken away from everything he has ever known at his baby house.  The thought is just too much to take really! 

The thing that makes me really sad is that I found out that not one person ever, not EVEN one, has ever inquired about adopting him!!!  WHY?!?!!!!  I just don't get it!  The other super hard thing is that he has a whopping grand total of $18 in his adoption grant...it brings me to tears!

All of these reasons lead us to become his "warrior" through Reece's Rainbow.  So while you will be hearing about how to pray for us and for Ivan, you will also hear about Nikita!  When we travel for the first time, we are going to attempt to meet him, which might not happen, but we will try.  We are hoping to get some additonal photos and info.  I am going to post his RR info below.  Keep in mind that his "laundry list" of diagnoses doesn't mean a whole lot.  Some of the terms in his country don't even really exist.  Medical info from Eastern Europe isn't exactly highly trusted as far as orphans go.

If you are visiting our blog for the 100th time or the first, this is what I would love for you to do.  Pray that Nikita's family would step forward!!!  Oh how I beg you to pray this!  I have seen it happen over and over...the people of God begin praying and families come out of nowhere!  His family is somewhere....I just know it.  It may be someone reading now.  If you feel something stirring, pray hard for wisdom, push the what-ifs and fears out of your mind, and seek the Lord's will.  Derek and I definitely had many apprehensions and many talks about what life will be like with Ivan.  We are certain that it will not be easy and that it WILL stretch us and that we will be far from our comfort zone and schedules and routines, but ultimately it came down to obedience! Period!  And the thought of Ivan without a family in exchange for us going about the ease of our daily lives....well, there was just no question.  So, I ask you to boldy pray for Nikita's mommy and daddy....I know they are out there!

Finally, I ask that you would give!  Yes I am being bold in asking, without much tact.:)  I am asking that you would give $5!!!  That's it! No more.  If you feel lead to do more then please give away!!:)  But what I am pleading with you is to give $5!!!  It isn't much for most of us.  In fact, I don't think most of us would miss it.  I think that for most of us it is the time it takes to go to RR and log into PayPal!.  And then if you don't have an account already, the temptation is there to just think it is sort of a hassle and maybe you will just promise yourself you will do it later.  I ask you to please take about 10 minutes and $5 and do this! Give by going HERE!!!!  Click on the little yellow Donate box.

I am tearing up as I write this because as I sit here, our son could be in the same room with Nikita and no one is coming for him.  By God's grace, Ivan will come home, in the hopefully near future, and Nikita will wait.  Over and over I have witnessed children's grants rise and then families step forward because they suddenly realize the money can be raised and it isn't the most important aspect of adoption.  I would love for money to not be a barrier at all for Nikita's family coming for him! 

I beg you to pray and give....go right now and do it!  I promise that as his grant soars, you will feel the most amazing joy deep within your soul...and all it takes is 5 bucks and a little time!

Pray for Nikita tonight!  It is tomorrow morning already for him...pray that someone greets his sweet sleepy face with a kiss and a hug and that somehow he feels our prayers!  Thank you in advance!:)  And please repost this to your blogs and FB...please, please!!!!

Nikita's info from RR:

Boy, Born September 2, 2007
Nikita is a beautiful little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes.  He was born at 32 weeks to an alcoholic and malnourished mother   He needs a mama who will really take care of him now!  FULL MEDICAL RECORDS AVAILABLE, but his primary diagnoses are:  Epilepsy with frequent polymorphic attacks. Delayed speech and psycho-motor development. MAAS. Functional cardiopathy. Mild esotropia. Dysfunction of hepatobiliary system. Contracture of the hip joints.

Sweet Stella....

is 10 months old today!!!! We love her more and more everday. What a precious little gift of sweetness and laughter she is! We love you Stella Grace!!!

Still Here...

Hard to believe, but we still exist! Lots to report, this is just a teaser...

Emily is still growing!

Timothy is still Superman!

Stella is still just as sweet as sugar!

And there is still lots of love to go around!

Stay Tuned...We're officially back!!!

Vanya!!!!

Okay so I realize I took a ridiculously long blog hiatus and am now posting for the second time in 24 hours! haha!!

BUT this is for a precious little guy named Vanya AND YOU can win some seriously awesome stuff just by reposting on your blog or FB or Twitter or donating ANY amount!!!

ALL of us can do this....we can ALL help find this adorable little guy a family!

Hop on over to this blog and see a completely ridiculous amount of prizes for helping this little boy.  SO many awesome people donated to make this happen.  It gives me chills.  Seriously, my mouth was hanging open when I saw all of the STUFF!!!  And if I don't win a thing, I know I will never miss the time it took to post this entry or the 10 bucks that I gave!  

DO IT!!!!! Just do it and when his family steps forward you will feel so awesome knowing that God used little old you to help find this sweet boy a home forever!

Continuing on That Road of Humility....

It is late and I could write so much about all that is going on with us.  I need to update so badly. 

Our computer is currently in a state of not letting us upload pics so I have been reluctant to post because, I mean really who comes to read my words.  I know pics are what you want:)  I wish I could share how our sweet little ones are growing up...soon I hope;) 

Emily constantly amazes us and she is the joy of my heart!  I am daily amazed at how intuitive she is and how creative and smart she is.  Her love for the Lord is simply beautiful.  She is one special little girl and I love her to pieces.  Timothy is still keeping me on my toes daily and is getting funnier every day.  His facial expressions can make any tense moment turn into a comedy routine.  The kid is such a little love.  I think he tells me that I am his "cheeseburger" (his term of endearment...thank you Veggie Tales:)12 times a day!  And sweet little Stella Grace, oh how I could just eat her up!  She is growing up so fast that it makes my heart hurt.  She loves to eat, loves to laugh at her brother and sister, and is really beginning to make herself heard:)  We don't have to worry about her fading into the background as a 3rd unheard child...that is FOR sure!  I just love each of them so much!

And on the adoption front...

We had our big fundraiser/music/dessert/silent auction event and raised over $6,000.  Between that and the yard sale we had about a month ago, we had just enough to send in our dossier and passports and shipping and such!  It literally took Ivan's account down to almost nothing, but God provided exactly what we needed and that was humbling beyond words!

And speaking of humbling...I could go on and on about all of the selfless efforts that SO many people are doing to help us raise money to get our son home!  Lots of people I don't even know.  I am still blown away that people that had never met my family showed up in support the night of our benefit!  Derek and I are constantly humbled at the daily things that have happened.  I feel like we are in a season of need and humility that we have never been before.  NEVER would I have been okay with asking for the amount of help that I have in the last few months.  NEVER would I have accepted money from strangers and NEVER would I have let so many people serve my family in such huge ways.  But I am learning!  I am learning that the body of Christ is meant for just this and it is truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced.  I am also learning that pride has absolutely NO place in our relationship with our Heavenly Father!  Painful lessons to learn but the growth in us is indescribable!!

There are a few events coming up that are pretty awesome!  All three events will provide more funds to pay the very large upcoming fees before we travel to meet Ivan for the first time.

~One friend is having a weekend of photography mini-sessions...Check it out here!!!

~Another friend is having a yard sale in Kentucky...so if you are in that area, check this out!!!

~Last but certainly not least, two of Derek's youth guys are having a concert at a local coffee shop!  There is NO charge to get in, but they will be accepting donations.  I am amazed by these two young men...just awesome!

So, there you have it!  That's a snippet of what is going on with us! 

Will post more this week when I get confirmation that our Primary Dossier has been shipped off to that faraway land:):)  CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will You Please Watch This and Pray!!

There aren't many words needed once you watch this video.  A family much like mine, in the process of adopting their precious boy, in the same country as Ivan, went (after a long drawn out wait) to their son's country for court thinking they were on the verge of bringing him home...only for the judge to say "NO!" 

The family is in the process of appealing, but they have to appear before the same exact judge and the same prosecutor.  PRAY THAT A MIRACLE WOULD HAPPEN AND THEIR SON, KIRILL, BE ALLOWED TO COME HOME TO HIS FOREVER FAMILY!!!

This video was taken when they first met their son...it speaks for itself!  It will move you to pray.  These children that have been regarded as unworthy of adoption have love in their hearts because they were formed in the image of their Creator.  They are worthy!  Please watch this precious precious video and pray your hearts out...I beg you!

Benefit For Our Little Guy!

Where:  Blackman Middle School

                      3945 Blaze Dr.

               Murfreesboro, TN  37128

When:  Saturday March 26 @ 7PM!!

What:  Music Benefit Including Silent Auction & Dessert Reception

Why:  TO BRING BABY BOY HOME!!!!!!

Please pray, pray, and pray some more that people will give for Ivan's adoption expenses, that people's hearts will be moved towards precious orphans all over the world, and most of all that a heart will be changed by watching the body of Christ serving so incredibly sacrificially to bring our son home that they will ask Christ to adopt them into His fold!!!!

If you live in the area, we would love to see you there!!!

Been a LOOOONNNNNNGGGGG Time!

Well friends!  It's been way too long since an update and frankly I don't have the time right now to properly do an update justice. We have had LOTS going on!  And I promise a post with pictures:) much better than this one, but for now.....



HUGE YARD SALE THIS WEEKEND AT OUR HOUSE!!!!!!

Please go here for more info:  
http://nashville.craigslist.org/eve/2254058729.html
Tell anyone you know to come!!!!

Loving on Sveta and Her Family...

Hey Friends out there!  I have a request!

There is a family in the midst of an adoption of a precious little girl named Sveta.  They are at almost the exact same place in the process as our family and Sveta, like Ivan, has special needs and is in Eastern Europe.

Raising the amount needed to bring our little ones home COULD be overwhelming if we didn't have absolute unwavering faith that God has lead us into this and He will provide.  It will be sacrificial on our parts and we know that others will feel the call to help as well.  Our family has already witnessed this with a small fun little fundraiser that we began on Facebook that has already raised almost $300 and more to come in matching donations!

Raising money is hard.  I have found the hardest part to be keeping it all straight in my head.  With the dossier beast that I am currently slaying and the homestudy beast that is currently under foot, raising money can seem overwhelming!  The thought hits me at times...oh yeah, we have to actually raise over $27k to bring our boy home...it feels like a ransom!  Sometimes it all feels like too much....BUT GOD!!! 

What a beautiful picture when the church...God's people ALL chip in and give!  EVERY.LITTLE.BIT HELPS!!!  I cannot stress that enough.  I gave our 10 bucks today to Sveta and it wasn't much but I know that God will multiply it like crazy!  So please head on over to this family's blog...give them 5 bucks to bring their little girl home...this current fundraiser they are doing is soo cute and fun!  And will serve as a beautiful reminder to Sveta and her family how people that they didn't even know helped bring her to her forever family!

Quick $2 For Forever Update...

I feel like doing a happy dance!  As of this morning, in less than 3 days, ......

There have been 17 contributors giving a total of $237.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So incredibly awesome!  And I would say that I can't believe it, but that would we a big fat lie, because I KNOW that God is going to do this thing!!! No doubt!!!  THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!  Keep praying for our little guy!  Give God lots of praise that we are all blessed the way that we are!  If you are able to give $2, then you are indeed wealthier than most people in the rest of the world!!!  We are thankful that God has given you all what He has and indeed very thankful that you are following in obedience to use it for His glory....to care for "the least of these!"  

$2 For Forever

 We just wanted to let everyone know that we started an "Event" on Facebook to raise money for Ivan's adoption and awareness.  Even if you are not on Facebook, we wanted to open this up to as many people as possible.  Please read below.  It is what was posted on FB.  Also, please forward this to as many people as you can!  Every single dollar will help bring him home!

So just for an update...

TODAY....People that we know and people I have never met gave $162!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  To say we are overwhelmed is ridiculous!  I just can't even believe it!  I see God ALL over this!  So, if you gave today, thank you so very much!  And if you are reading for the first time, please please pass this along!

Also, friends of ours wanted to heat things up a bit and have said that they will match the first $2 given by the first 100 people in the next 2 weeks!!!  Hooray...let's do this!!!  (read below for a description)

Right now a little boy named Ivan, who has special needs, waits in an Eastern European orphanage and he needs our help. Ivan will turn 2 in September and we'd like to ask everyone to donate $2 in the next 2 weeks to help Ivan come home to his forever family! Derek and Karen Kramer are doing everything possible to bring him home this Summer and here's how we can help! For less money than it takes to buy your favorite Starbucks drink you can make a difference in the funds it will take for the Kramers to bring little Ivan home.

Here’s a link to the Kramer family blog where you can read more about their adoption journey and use the “Chip In” option on their page to donate $2 towards Ivan’s adoption costs. Please INVITE as many friends to this event as possible. Every dollar counts...we can all make a difference for Ivan’s sake!

Thanks EVERYONE!!!!!!

All Because of HIM!

I don't know how it is possible for such an exhausting week to also be so uplifting and fulfilling, but God made that happen!  From paperwork to cleaning to making copies (and more copies) of paperwork to my sweet hubby being gone a lot to the normal daily life of 3 kiddos under 5...it has been full, but man was I tired.  Unfortunately Derek and I have yet to catch up on sleep and he has another RIDICULOUSLY busy week ahead, which means a full week for Mommy too.  By this coming Friday, I will probably have lost more of my sanity, but amazingly I am growing more and more okay with that!  Funny that as we grow closer and closer to the heart of God, so many other things slowly fade out in their level of importance.  It feels really, really good!

Our home study went well and yes it was easier than I thought.  Our social worker Kelly is fantastic.  She is a believer and also in the process of adopting.  How cool is that?!?  I am so glad that God orchestrated us finding our agency for our home study the way He did.  Our timeline feels a little more real now.  Originally we were really hoping to bring Ivan home by August.  It seems slightly possible that it could be sooner...oh please Lord...let it happen!!!  Needless to say that we will have some serious fundraising to do.  There are a couple of things in the works and will hopefully come to fruition soon.  I have been blown away by God's hand already!

In the last couple of weeks, this is how God has used His people:

~a friend that is a veterinarian donated our 2 dogs' vaccinations/check-ups!

~a couple donated the first $50 to Ivan's fund on our blog!  (and I know this family sacrificed...thank you!!!)

~multiple friends lovingly cared for our children so that I could get paperwork copied and run errands.  One of my dear friends has watched my children on 3 different days since Jan. began and she has 2 of her own!  Amazing!! (thank you girl!...you know I love you!)

~I received a thoughtful note in the mail unexpectedly and inside was a check for $100!!!  Most of all, she so encouraged me with her words and the scripture on the front of the card.  I needed THAT specific Word that day! 

~A company that I love donated a couple of items to use as our first giveaway on our blog.  They asked for nothing in return...AWESOME!!! (btw...this giveaway is coming soon:)...get ready for the cuteness!:)

~I have received almost daily emails and FB messages of encouragement and prayer from people that I don't even know...God has sent those words on my hardest days!

~One of my dearest friends is spending so much of her time trying to do all that she can to get fundraising started for Ivan!  I have been so overwhelmed by the other aspects of the adoption that the money part was making my head swim.  I didn't even ASK for help, she just dove right in and has almost DAILY worked on fundraising to get Ivan home quicker!!  (I don't know what I would do without your support and encouragement and desire to love us this way!)

~Derek got an email last week from a friend that felt moved to help get Ivan home as soon as possible.  He told us his ideas about using the marathons he is running in the next few months as a way to raise awareness for Ivan and funds.  His sweet wife stepped in and wants to go even further with the idea and make shirts!  As Derek shared the email that night, I cried so hard thinking about how God is using the life of this little boy in Eastern Europe to change hearts and drive us to things that matter to HIM!!!

~Another very dear friend of mine is already planning a yard sale with her friends for Ivan.  They live in another state and she has 2 children under 2 years old!!!  Yet she is doing what she can for Ivan!

~I walked into church this morning and was greeted with a big hug from a friend...after talking for a few minutes, he handed me a $100 bill for Ivan and said I have had this in my wallet for you! 

~Back before Christmas, before I had even seen Ivan's sweet face, a lady stepped up to be Ivan's Christmas Warrior through Reece's Rainbow.  She had a yard sale for him a couple of weeks ago (in JAN!!) and with the help of neighborhood kids that I will never meet, she raised $150!!!  There is a picture here of these awesome kiddos holding Ivan's picture!  I was overwhelmed!

~And just this morning, 2 friends, in conversation, came up with a really fun name for an idea to raise money before Valentine's day using FB!  People that already love Ivan, thinking of him...

God provides!!!

  More than anything, throughout this process I want us all to see just how big God is and how He is going to work all of this for His glory!  Truth be told, I have absolutely no clue how we will raise $27k or more.  I have no idea how it will all work out with leaving our children for long periods of time.  And the thought of how full our house will be in hopefully less than 6 months could make a sane person run screaming!  Again I have no idea how it will all work.  

must get the glory for it.  I feel honored that He would choose us to play in the game!:)  Ivan, as do all of my babies, feels like icing on the cake.  God doesn't have to give us those gifts in this life, but He has and I am grateful to be on this journey.  And I am thankful for the ways that He chooses to glorify Himself through His people!  It shows us that He is real, that He is at work, and that He will speak when we listen!  I am in awe today at the work of His hands...continually amazed that I serve this God, that He chose me and made beauty from ashes! 

It's TOMORROW!!!

I am not sure how this is already upon us...but TOMORROW IS OUR VERY FIRST HOME STUDY VISIT!!!!!

I really don't know whether or not I want to squeal with joy because we will be a step closer to our sweet boy or throw up because of the unknown!!

Please pray for us.  Pray that it goes well and our children will have fun with it and just be natural with Kelly our social worker.  Emily and Timothy both talk about Ivan all the time and I sure hope their love they already have for him shines through.  Stella will just give her usual grin, I'm sure!

I am going to finish up some last minute things while my crazy little toddler boy regains his energy for the second half of his day;)  Because once he is up...nothing will get accomplished until bedtime.  Bedtime...haha...like I will sleep at all tonight!!!

Thanks for all of the prayers!  We have received so much encouragement over the last few days (and weeks) and it is keeping us encouraged in ways that is really hard to verbalize, especially without doing the "ugly cry".  I can't wait to share some different ways that God's people are surrounding us and already being changed by Ivan's story.

No time to spare...I will update tomorrow!  

Just Love Coffee...Don't We All!!!

I have been dying to get this fundraiser started!  We were introduced to this amazing company through our church.  You have to check them out!  They exist to help with the cost of adoptions!  Basically how it works is that you order coffee through our "store" on the Just Love Coffee site.  Then you will get delicious coffee (which I can vouch for because we bought some) and we will get money for every bag you purchase.  So drink up!  Drink coffee all day.  Buy it for friends.  I mean who wouldn't like a bag of fresh beans and the knowledge that they are helping to rescuing a sweet little one in Eastern Europe!  Spread the word! 

One of Many Hard Days to Come...

Today has been a normal day.  Nothing really out of the ordinary.  But then I began staring at Ivan's picture on RR.  Over the last couple of weeks, I have been so busy with all of the paperwork for our homestudy that I have been somewhat emotionless about the whole adoption.  I was in a get things done mode and I think I subconciously knew I had to push the emotional part of me aside to be productive.

It hit today.  I was not expecting the flood of overwhelming emotion that struck.  It was much like what I felt when I first saw his face and asked God if He could really ask this of us.  Except now I know that we are on our way to him.  I sit here sobbing uncontrollably even as I type this.  I want Ivan here.  I want to hold him and for him to know he is safe.  I want him to be warm and eat a full meal until his little belly is content and I want to hear him laugh.  Oh God, I want our son home and I don't know how it is going to happen.  I wonder if he is scared today or if anyone held him and stroked his cheeks.  Did he get out of his crib at all?  The thoughts flood my mind and my heart aches.  I don't know that I have ever felt this type of aching and yearning in my heart.  And really it isn't even a hurt that comes from me not holding him, just the knowing that he is alone like so many others without his family.  He has no idea yet that we are on our way. 

Please pray for him today.  Pray that someone will be merciful and cuddle him and sing in his ear if he wakes in the middle of the night.  Pray that the people of God would hear His voice and respond to the needs of children like our precious Ivan and so many others.  This love that God has put in our hearts is undescribeable.  Even though I haven't held him yet, I see his precious little face and know that we have got to get to him.  If Emily, Timothy, or Stella were languishing in a crib, I would stop at nothing to get them home and this is no different.  Today I am surely relying on the arms of our Father to love a son that I have never met but long to hold and it is really hard.

Edited my last post:)

If you tried to read the last post over the past few days, you may have noticed there were no photos:(  I had a little issue with Picassa and had to edit the post but all is well in blog land for me now and the post now has photos.  Yay!  So, I invite you a second time (or first:) to read below.  Included are some precious pics of our big girl...TURNING 5 in three short days!!!!!!  I can't believe my baby is almost 5!!!!  Big celebration to come..will post pics!:)

Oh and I should mention that I have our VERY FIRST giveaway fundraising item coming up on the blog soon.  All I will say is that it is precious and cannot wait to post it.  More to come on that...stay tuned:)

Crazy Love

That is what we are feeling. For a little boy whom we have never met, never held, never tickled, never rocked to sleep, never fed, never whispered I love you to...

I have wrestled with what the follow-up post would be to our announcement. Derek has asked what I would write about. Fundraising, timeline of paperwork, Christmas, Emily's 5th birthday on the horizon...all sorts of thoughts completely flood my mind. There are so many things to think about right now and so many things needing to be done.

For Christmas, Derek and I scaled way back on Christmas presents, as we have for a few years now, and on Christmas morning, he surprised me with two very thoughtful and precious gifts. One was a picture of Ivan. It is in the sweetest frame that has the word JOURNEY written on it and part of Jeremiah 29:11 across the bottom. It now sits on my windowsill in my kitchen:) The other was a copy of "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan with the very simple words, "I Love You!" written on the inside. Besides my children's sweet kisses and hugs Christmas morning, these two things were my greatest treasures that day! I had no idea how that book would begin to impact my heart.

I could quote page after page of that book. It has been just what I needed. I highly encourage you to read it...let it soak in. I promise you will love the Father and desire to know Him and follow Him in a whole new way. Crazy Love. That is what the enemy knows is welling up in us. That is what he wants to quench. He can't though. Greater is He that is in us...My God is big. My God is all powerful. My God speaks. My God is all knowing. The enemy has pressed in over the last few days and let me tell you he is real. Again, I am reminded of the love that my Lord has for His children and I am reminded that God always wins!

This crazy love that we have for our God, that transcends my understanding, is now a crazy love that we have for our son, yes our son so far away and so deeply placed in our hearts. Who else but our God could do that? Who else but a God who gave His son for us? Who else but a God that knew from the beginning of time this journey that we would be embarking upon? Who else but MY GOD? It is a crazy love indeed. A love that is changing all that I ever thought I knew about God. And it is good.

God's love for us was beautifully represented in our (almost) 5 year old daughter's heart as she quietly told me a little over a year ago that she wanted Jesus in her heart and she knew that she had to decide that for herself. She cried as she prayed with me as we laid in her bed together and told me that she knew she needed Jesus and how we needed to pray that Timothy would see he needed Jesus too...that he had sin in his heart and that only he could make that decision. She prayed, "God please let Timothy ask you into his heart too." Precious. Beautiful. So innocent. God has given us another responsibility. We are to care for Ivan so that he too will know the love that Jesus Christ has for him...the sacrifice made on his behalf. So that, even in his "differences" he will walk in a manner worthy of the calling placed on his sweet little life.

I think Ivan is going to change lives. My life. Derek's life. The life of our children. Our friends' lives. Far-stretching to people that we may never encounter in this life. And...I believe that other precious and innocent little souls will be rescued out of lives lived in orphanages and will meet their forever families because of Ivan. God is moving. So is the enemy. But this is what God promises us...

I will carry you when you are too weak.

 

I will speak truth in love to you and reassure you with My Words.

 

My Spirit will wash over you and make you new every day.

 

I will rejoice with you.

And I will hold you with My righteous hands and never let you go.

No doubt that this crazy love that we have for the Father will lead us into some unknown places, but we know that He is already there and already made the way.  For this reason, we move on.  Steady.  Strong.  Unshaken.  And truly in love. Oh how I love Jesus!

Drawing Near to the Father

 Our last couple months have been full.  We have been challenged by the Lord in many ways.  We have had opportunities to trust Him and to believe that He answers prayer in very real ways.  He hears the cries and pleas of His people and He responds.  God has placed some things before us and made us very aware of needs and He has asked us, "Will we go...will we respond...will we sacrifice...will we choose to step out in faith and trust Him like never before?"  We said "Yes!"  And we have never felt closer to the Father and His purpose for our lives.

This past month has been a time of drawing near to Him in a way that we never have before.  There have been times in my life where I have literally had to cling to Jesus because it felt like He was all that was there.  He has comforted me and lifted my head.  Yet, I have never felt as close to the God of the universe as I have over the past month.  The reason...I finally have fallen in love with the things that truly concern my Father!  As I have let go of things that have always been so important, I feel so close to the heart of God.

Derek and I have become increasingly aware that our time on this Earth is brief.  This fact resonated in my soul even more as I completed Chapter 2 of Francis Chan's book "Crazy Love."  He writes:  "Friends, we need to stop living selfish lives, forgetful of our God.  Our lives here are short, often unexpectedly so, and we can all stand to be reminded of it from time to time.  That's why I wrote this chapter, to help us remember that in the movie of life, nothing matters except our King and God."  I recently told Derek that I don't want to stand before the Creator of the Universe one day and give reasons why I didn't live the life that He has very clearly called me to.  Understand that this isn't a legalistic feeling or response, it is a response of wanting to wholeheartedly serve and sacrifice for the King of all kings!

Derek and I both began to feel this "stirring" in our hearts and souls during a series at our church called Traders.  This series really made us question our comfort level, our sacrifice, our passion to live loudly for the God who saved us and created us soley to worship Him.  I did not know then what God was doing inside of us, but now I see it and it is beautiful.  The way that He has intricately prepared our hearts has been miraculous!

Why God has chosen us, I will never know.  I truly feel precious in His sight...that He would call us to love so huge!  And can I just say that it feels so good!  Deep within every part of my being I feel true peace.  Incredible, indescribable, overwhelming peace...truly a peace that passes all understanding.  I have never comprehended His presence like I have over the past month.  This is the reason why........

This precious face has captivated us in every way you can imagine!  His name is Ivan.  He is in Rus*ia.  He is an orphan.  And God has called us to go and get him.  He is our son!  As much as Emily, Timothy, and Stella are ours...so is he.  We already have a love for this precious boy that is so hard to comprehend.  The story of how we got to him is a long one.  You can read part of it here. 

The important thing to know is that Ivan is currently in an orphanage in Ru*sia.  We know very little about his conditions.  Here is what we do know.  We know that he turned 1 in September.  We know that he has Down Syndrome.  And we know that in Eastern Europe (as is the case in many countries), children with special needs are not given any place in their society.  Children there remain in baby houses until they turn 4 or 5 and then they are transferred to institutions.  The things that God has opened our eyes to pertaining to these orphanages and institutions is incomprehensible!  Every day, God is making us more and more aware of the needs of these special souls.  The need is tremendous.

We don't know what his needs specifically will be, but we didn't with our other 3 children either.  We don't know how we will fit his therapy needs into our schedule, but we were busy before.  We don't know how we will come up with $25,000.00 plus, but God always provides.  We don't know how we will manage 4 children under the age of 5, but 3 has been training ground.  We don't know what daily life will look like, but who knows what each day will bring.  We do know that our hearts are open and that God is able.  We know that God has opened our eyes and made us aware of a need and we cannot turn back.  We know that we are called to love our God out loud, that we are to respond when we hear His voice.  We have heard Him and want to follow.

Please pray for our sweet Ivan!  Pray that God would move mountains to bring him home to his forever family quickly...to a mommy and daddy that will love him unconditionally, to a brother and sisters that will embrace him and teach him about family, and to a life that is not in a cold lonely crib in an institution.  Our hearts are heavy thinking about his daily life and we ask you to pray for his caregivers and the other children in his orphanage.  We begin this journey to rescue our son and ask that you prayerfully join us!

If you would like to read about a child, much like our Ivan, a story of sweet redemption, I dare you to meet this family!  You will be blown away by how BIG our God is!